It’s hard to know where to start this blog post. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted and there are many reasons for my absence.  Let me fill you in on where I have been.

I’ve worked very hard to continue my stroke recovery. I do brain exercises in the form of number games to pump some cerebral iron and word games to help rebuild my vocabulary. I’ve prioritized parts of my life that need direct attention for all of us: our health, our happiness, our loved ones. Most importantly, I’ve had an important 3-year conversation with someone I’ve never even seen…

I've spent the last couple years in a period of discernment . What's that? A long dialogue of #Faith … where I did all the listening!

— Jennifer (@BeginAgain_Jen) July 11, 2016

I remember a time when I was blogging quite regularly but I didn’t really know if that was what I am meant to do or where I am meant to go. Seeking meaning in life, seeking purpose, is nothing new… it’s endemic of the human condition. But the writing was (and still is) harder than it was in my pre-stroke years. Now I have to really engage and the result is that my brain gets tired and it takes a lot of my steam away from the other things that are still hard to keep up with (housekeeping, gardening, parenting, caring for an aged parent, marriage, even taking care of our dog).

With that cost, I had to take some time to say to the Lord: ‘is this where you need me?’ I have dreams and I have wishes and I did once want to be a novelist (two fiction and one non-fiction are in development) but I didn’t want to forsake all the rest – or His will – for the sole purpose of chasing a dream.

So I stopped blogging and charged up my life of faith. In the past few years, my seizures stabilized and I eventually trusted my Neurologists enough to agree that driving would help me. A couple of years ago I passed my driving test (feeling like a teenager all over again) and within one month I went to our parish and offered my services to go to the homes of those who are suffering with illness, disability, surgical recovery, or who are dying. Someday I will begin to share with you how hugely transformative that has been for me.

More recently, I was asked to serve on our parish Council so that also takes up some time; one night a week I am working with some friends to learn about Saint Faustina and about Divine Mercy, and another night a week I go in the wee hours of the morning to spend some time alone in silent, selfless, Adoration.

With those very meaningful hours feeding my soul, the homilies started to speak louder and louder to me:

So here I am.

I know there are millions of people who are struggling with brain injuries, stroke recovery, parenting, and all the other things I struggle with too. I also know that the internet has a wealth of kind and loving and giving people but I have also seen a dark virtual forest filled with monsters and evil empowered by its anonymity. It is my intent to light my light and try to brighten as much of the space around me as I can. I will be using blogs, tweets, instagrams, and even YouTube *gasp* to reach out and share. And yes, someday I still do want to be officially published but for right now, this is the path I want to be on. Lots ahead… Brace yourself!

There is nothing special about me… or maybe I should have said there is everything special about me but there is no more special than the ‘everything’ that is special in you.

It’s good to be back.

Be well,

Jen