Category Archives: memories

Rehearsal

So tonight we will be rehearsing the big event.

Who stands where? Who comes in first? Who is speaking? Who sits with whom?

So much to think about and so much to remember. So far, it seems we have easy parts. My husband and our sons are the ushers at the wedding and I am reading at the ceremony… after that we are off the hook 🙂

I will be reading the poem “Footsteps” which was one of our Mother’s favourites.

Footprints in the Sand

 

foter-footprintsOne night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
~ Mary Stevenson, 1936
What I hope that my brother and his bride realize is that the best rehearsal is the one we never have – the rehearsal of a terrible argument. The rehearsal of one of them being unemployed. The rehearsal of disagreeing over how to discipline children. The rehearsal of supporting a friend or family member whose needs exceed their reserve of strength, money or time.
These are the true challenges of a marriage.
We are fortunate to have a Faith that reminds us that the Lord will never leave us – His absence is only because we have left Him. Marriages are somewhat more fragile than the love of the Lord. We need to continually reaffirm our love for a spouse.
It is important to feel love often with a spouse – and our spouse needs that too… the Lord doesn’t mind if the talk with Him is quiet… the Lord will still be there if we are distracted by moving to a new house or if we are busy on a trip. A spouse may be more affected!
What we need to know going into a marriage is that sometimes as we mentally replay those life images there will be only one set of footprints in the sand. Only a naive couple would think they will always walk side by side.
The first years of our lives there are many times when we walk alone with our Faith. And as time moves on, many people walk alongside us for a moment or two as we move through the journey of life. But there are times when we are on our own and we have to be strong enough to survive through those times.
The decision to marry is a tremendous and very meaningful decision. That person will walk along with us very often in our life and they will always have a key spot in our memories and our life story. But in addition to married spouses there are other very special and important people.
Our parents, our children, close family, dear friends, a special teacher, a Faith leader, a caring neighbour, an amazing person who we find in an unusual place… each of those people are important and some of them will walk with us for a long time and others for just a brief moment.
But ultimately, our footprints through life are never totally alone. And for those of you whose life I walk through, know that my prints might not appear by your side as you go – but in my heart, I walk only a few paces behind.
Be well.

Jen

Humility with icing

A birthday blows by and names / memories / moments / joy / agony and love all whirl around me…

No matter what has come and gone in my life I am lucky. I am here and you are here with me. I am lucky to have you and I am blesssed to have my remarkable sons, a determined husband and a wonderful family.

Every day this pixel world reminds me of this remarkable life. I live and breathe and dream and as hard as it can be I AM ALIVE!

I plan to figure out where I can find my future with this keyboard and surrounded by loved ones and friends and reaching out to every corner of the world to learn, share and experience as much as possible.

I am here

So, dear world, I stand on the rock on the top of the most challenging mountain I have been climbing yet… I feel the wind whip around me. I tip my face back – eyes closed and sun shining on me with no furrowed brow – and as the camera pulls back from my perch on top of my world the rest of the mountains come into focus and the sky’s blue promise with white clouds moving so fast reminds of the larger reality beyond.

I will sit here for a while and absorb every second of this…

…and then…

…I will set my sights on the next mountain.

No matter your pace, your past, your pain, your ability, YOU are invited.

Come with me *smiles warmly*

Be well.

Jen

Memories

  • The black iron railing on the concrete steps outside of our first home in Quebec
  • “Dog Patrol” a near-daily excursion as Dad would peddle me around on the back of his bike looking for doggies that I could pet
  • Washing dishes standing on a chair in the kitchen next to my Mom
  • My new baby brother coming home
  • Noticing that he was “broken” between his legs while I assisted Mom with a diaper change
  • My first amazing experience at school with my Junior Kindergarten Teacher (Mrs. Rheaume, I still think of you often)
  • Recording our voice and our home family movies
  • Learning to debate at school
  • Perfecting how to debate at the dinner table
  • Years of summertime joy and crushes and sunburns
  • First kiss
  • Never wanting to see that guy again… good thing he won’t know I mean him
  • Writing my first poem
  • Dancing in my bedroom
  • Transcribing lyrics from radio music
  • Losing my Nanny (maternal and only grandparent)
  • My first bra
  • My first heartbreak
  • Painting
  • First “first date”
  • First “last date”
  • First act of citizenship: I vote
  • Being elected at my high school
  • Graduation
  • An abusive relationship
  • University … a procrastinator’s heaven and hell
  • Pride + Kraft Dinner VS Logic + Asking for money
    (if you know me, you know which I picked… despite not having any milk)
  • Illness and close brushes with despair
  • Family love and how the extended family reinforces the troops regardless of the problem, the timing, or the need
  • The power of a loved one’s beautiful baby girl
  • Smugly taking a job in broadcasting which surely meant that I didn’t need the degree
  • A star named after me
  • Understanding how much that really meant
  • Meeting the son of my parents’ friends “just for coffee”
  • Long distance love in denial
  • Dropping to my knees in front of him and saying yes
  • Moving (for the thousandth time)
  • Marrying
  • Moving #1001 – but thankfully moving to the “M” section in people’s address books instead of the “V”
  • Making babies – the easy part AND the hard part
  • New life all around
  • The beauty of someone else’s wedding
  • Learning what to control and what you cannot control
  • Mom’s life ebbing away
  • Recovery from loss
  • Needing to be loved
  • Losing weeks of my life – a small price to pay because I had never had the chance to say “goodbye, how I love you”
  • Rebirth with my artificial umbilical cords
  • Learning to walk again and to read and write
  • Feeling fear often
  • My brother, husband and father never leaving my side
  • Reaching back to my husband
  • Deciding to act the way I felt people wanted me to be
  • Changing that decision!
  • Making true friends recovering with them in the hospital for more than two months
  • Learning many ways to measure distance (inches, kilometers, aeons)
  • Remarking which friends have stayed… regardless of my quiet
     *smiling at you with gratitude*
  • My sons sharing the experience of being with Mom on the floor (ferociously proud of them now and forever – unless they have behaved unethically or unlawfully you’d be best to complain to someone else)
  • My husband carrying his own weight and far too much of mine
  • Every one of my stroke steps…

And today?
Another year older!!! Ack!!!

Be well

Jen