Category Archives: loss

Rehearsal

So tonight we will be rehearsing the big event.

Who stands where? Who comes in first? Who is speaking? Who sits with whom?

So much to think about and so much to remember. So far, it seems we have easy parts. My husband and our sons are the ushers at the wedding and I am reading at the ceremony… after that we are off the hook 🙂

I will be reading the poem “Footsteps” which was one of our Mother’s favourites.

Footprints in the Sand

 

foter-footprintsOne night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
~ Mary Stevenson, 1936
What I hope that my brother and his bride realize is that the best rehearsal is the one we never have – the rehearsal of a terrible argument. The rehearsal of one of them being unemployed. The rehearsal of disagreeing over how to discipline children. The rehearsal of supporting a friend or family member whose needs exceed their reserve of strength, money or time.
These are the true challenges of a marriage.
We are fortunate to have a Faith that reminds us that the Lord will never leave us – His absence is only because we have left Him. Marriages are somewhat more fragile than the love of the Lord. We need to continually reaffirm our love for a spouse.
It is important to feel love often with a spouse – and our spouse needs that too… the Lord doesn’t mind if the talk with Him is quiet… the Lord will still be there if we are distracted by moving to a new house or if we are busy on a trip. A spouse may be more affected!
What we need to know going into a marriage is that sometimes as we mentally replay those life images there will be only one set of footprints in the sand. Only a naive couple would think they will always walk side by side.
The first years of our lives there are many times when we walk alone with our Faith. And as time moves on, many people walk alongside us for a moment or two as we move through the journey of life. But there are times when we are on our own and we have to be strong enough to survive through those times.
The decision to marry is a tremendous and very meaningful decision. That person will walk along with us very often in our life and they will always have a key spot in our memories and our life story. But in addition to married spouses there are other very special and important people.
Our parents, our children, close family, dear friends, a special teacher, a Faith leader, a caring neighbour, an amazing person who we find in an unusual place… each of those people are important and some of them will walk with us for a long time and others for just a brief moment.
But ultimately, our footprints through life are never totally alone. And for those of you whose life I walk through, know that my prints might not appear by your side as you go – but in my heart, I walk only a few paces behind.
Be well.

Jen

Knowing, Assuming, Believing

Our minds operate in a way that makes us think we know more than we do…

There is very little we KNOW for certain. Knowledge, in the context of what I am writing, is the sum of what is known; the body of truth, information, and principles acquired by humankind. What we can know with certainty is a relatively short list – despite the generations of people who have been studying and observing and amassing knowledge to an ever-growing compendium of human knowledge. We can KNOW, for example, that two plus two equals four. We can KNOW that gravity on Earth pulls objects toward the surface of the planet (and holds us all here).

The list of things we BELIEVE is a variable that depends entirely on your experiences, your faith, your friend group, your interests. I BELIEVE, for example, in a benevolent God who is omniscient but who is not necessarily intervening in the human experience of life. I do not KNOW that to be true … but I BELIEVE it. I also believe that my family and friends care about heart and stroke awareness. I cannot truly know that with certainty because humans are ever-evolving, ever-changing and each is facing their own experiences from moment to moment. But I believe it because they care for someone (maybe several people) who has raised that issue to the forefront of their mind for a period of time.

Everything else in our mind is an ASSUMPTION. I ASSUME that the sun will rise tomorrow. It may not… and I cannot know the future with any certainty so I assume things will happen in a way I can predict. I ASSUME that I will have tomorrow to accomplish some things I cannot complete today. I ASSUME that people I have watched and spoken to over the years will behave in a certain, predictable way. For example, I assume that my Father will continue to be irritated by an old, tattered Canadian flag… my assumption might be wrong! He may at some point forgive those who let a flag hang in a sad state or he may re-prioritize his interests and care less about flags … but I doubt it. Regardless of whether or not he changes his mind on that issue, I am ASSUMING he will continue to care about flags… I cannot KNOW it. He is a person whose feelings on issues are his and he is free to change his mind at any moment.

Why am I talking so much about this? Good question…
Lori Derbyshire 1970-2011This week I spent a lot of time considering a sudden and tragic loss of a family friend’s young, vibrant, active wife. She died suddenly and without warning last Sunday at age 41. On that Father’s Day, my friend and his two young sons were forever changed by an event that they could not have known was coming… nor did she for that matter.

Since that day, many people in their lives have had to reconsider the things that they thought they knew – what they had assumed – and what they believed. I reevaluated all of those things too.

~~~~~

I KNOW we will each end this journey of life in a way and at a time that we cannot predict. I KNOW that there are some things I would be devastated to fail to have done.

I ASSUME that my life can bring value to this planet and to others. I ASSUME that where I invest energy and time, I will be able to improve the life of someone out there; even if only in a tiny way, even if for only one person, even if just with a timely word, or with a hug or a warm smile.

I BELIEVE that a life well-lived is one step on a longer journey that extends far beyond this world. I BELIEVE that the people and experiences I have encountered were meant to be in my life with a reason.

Based on those three principles (of Knowledge, Assumption and Belief), I will live the rest of my days no matter how long or short so that I open my eyes each day as a happy surprise that I have another, fresh opportunity

  • to do the things I KNOW I want to do…
  • to accomplish something that day, no matter how small, which I ASSUME will bring value to others… and
  • to quietly and humbly pay attention to the people and experiences I BELIEVE I was meant to see and meet.
Imagine if we all paid attention to the life of those around us.

Jason, if you are reading this, thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching experience with others. You are loved and supported as Lori journeys on to the next destination on her path. You and your wife were a blessing to all of us around you and your life will continue to bless many even though some days may be more challenging for you in the coming time.

Be well,

Jen

Celebrating Life

I hope that you passed a lovely Father’s Day celebrating those who have made an impact on your life.

We did our best to spoil the Daddy in our household and his Daddy and my Daddy. At a time like this we are mindful of how fortunate we are to have them in our life.

As life is an unpredictable journey we were taken in a different direction yesterday as we considered others whose Father’s Days were perhaps more of a challenge. There are many people who have reason for sadness even on days of celebration. A year or so ago, one of our sons’ friends’ Daddy died in his 30s of brain cancer. Those little boys must have suffered yesterday and we were praying for them…

…but later that day we were informed of very sad news and the sudden passing of a dear family friend. On the morning of Father’s Day a very young woman – wife, daughter, sister, and mother of two – passed suddenly. My thoughts were with that family all day long and I am so aware of their pain. So close to our journey.

I can only pray and hope that the grieving family, especially Jason, her loving husband, and their two little boys (Thomas-Jay and Burke) will find some solace in their shared memories over the years and that they will be gently comforted by the passing of time.

http://yourlifemoments.ca/sitepages/obituary.asp?oId=508648

This post is to share with you what is on my mind and also to hopefully remind you that for all of us every day is a blessing.

I hope you will take an extra moment today to love the people in your life.

LIVE and LOVE OUT LOUD!!!!

Be well,

Jen