family, loss, love

Celebrating Life

I hope that you passed a lovely Father’s Day celebrating those who have made an impact on your life.

We did our best to spoil the Daddy in our household and his Daddy and my Daddy. At a time like this we are mindful of how fortunate we are to have them in our life.

As life is an unpredictable journey we were taken in a different direction yesterday as we considered others whose Father’s Days were perhaps more of a challenge. There are many people who have reason for sadness even on days of celebration. A year or so ago, one of our sons’ friends’ Daddy died in his 30s of brain cancer. Those little boys must have suffered yesterday and we were praying for them…

…but later that day we were informed of very sad news and the sudden passing of a dear family friend. On the morning of Father’s Day a very young woman – wife, daughter, sister, and mother of two – passed suddenly. My thoughts were with that family all day long and I am so aware of their pain. So close to our journey.

I can only pray and hope that the grieving family, especially Jason, her loving husband, and their two little boys (Thomas-Jay and Burke) will find some solace in their shared memories over the years and that they will be gently comforted by the passing of time.

http://yourlifemoments.ca/sitepages/obituary.asp?oId=508648

This post is to share with you what is on my mind and also to hopefully remind you that for all of us every day is a blessing.

I hope you will take an extra moment today to love the people in your life.

LIVE and LOVE OUT LOUD!!!!

Be well,

Jen

creativity, frustration

Patience

I stand still and watch and listen

I cannot fake being able to keep up with the pace of life
Well… maybe I can fake it but it only raises expectations
So I choose not to

I hear a piano being played in the distance

I try to manage a phone call or two a week
Sadly it’s mostly to get my new Warfarin dosages or to talk to insurance companies
I need them more than they need me

In comes a wave and a breeze blows across my face

I manage some of the household chores, so does my husband
My sons earn assistance points all the time by doing a chore
(some they do with my grumpy face pushing them)

I notice a lovely Cardinal on the bird feeder in the backyard

Friends and family each only ask for one visit – one chat – one gathering
Soon they add up to daily
I can’t manage that in addition to my own obligations for my kids, so I don’t

My dog’s soft black fur feels lovely against my foot where she is cuddled up

I have at least one medical appointment every week
Blood tests are a nearly constant event
Usually another medical appointment every couple weeks

I hear chirping and a plane humming overhead

I watched tv once in the past 8 months
I watched the royal wedding – why not watch a girl becom a princess?
Occurred to me often that his mom was missing… I hope when it’s my sons’ turn I am not missing

Warm sunshine on my face makes me instinctively turn my face toward the heat and close my eyes

Music still brings me joy
Headphones blocking everything else bring me even more joy
But the best of all is my sons in my arms loving me and me loving them

A butterfly lands on my window sill – just like she promised she would

I smile at her
   Her wings beat slowly
      And then she is gone

Patience
   Was worth the wait to see her if only for a moment
      It really is a virtue

Be well.

Jen

For those of you who have discussed and speculated that my absence is about “you” and why am i mad and blah blah blah blah…
… that is the only incentive i need never to be back in that game.

I hope every other stroke patient reading this also has the strength to walk away from those selfish people.

brain injury, recovery, stroke

Wounds that heal

In case I forget how far I have come…

This is from when i was well enough to have asked for my BlackBerry and to have remembered how to use it…

These were in October 2010. The bleeding stopped about a week ago (April 2011).

IMG00048 IMG00051

I still have massive scars in my hair – sometimes I wish they weren’t so well hidden. I wish they were across my face so that people couldn’t forget that I am recovering from a brain hemorrhage and a very immense brain surgery. But I know that it’s a blessing not to be left with that too (but imagine having high expectations of a person in a wheelchair… we might change our expectations then I think).
Since then I have had one experience they call a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack) which is likely a clot passing and briefly stopping in a vein/artery in the brain. It lasted about an hour with only a couple of the famous five warning signs (I had trouble speaking and understanding). It was scary but it passed – this was late Feb.
I have tried not to talk about it and not to dwell on it but it’s part of who I am so I am sharing that with you.
If you are wondering about why I never call you – please don’t forget that I am disabled (particularly with regard to sound and with visual stimulation).
I guess the choices are to love me anyway and be quiet or to be insulted and leave.
Either way I understand and I will still love you.
Be well,
Jen
P.S. This entry was called “wounds that heal” because there are some that never entirely heal.