family, love

Today ~ Tomorrow ~ Always

We are in the last few days getting ready for my brother’s wedding.

A very exciting time, that’s for sure. With Mom passing away in February 2009 and then my stroke in September 2010 it’s been a rough couple of years. My aunts and uncles and our family have all held together in this very trying time but we are OVERDUE for a reason to celebrate!

I can’t wait to welcome the “new Jen” to the family – she has been a wonderful addition to my brother’s world and we are delighted to be so blessed with a new branch on our family tree.

As the sister of the groom I will take advantage of my perks and share with you one of my most favourite of their engagement pictures… sigh 🙂

JEN&DENIS 013


I look forward to watching my brother and his amazing fiancée commit themselves to each other for the rest of time. What a wonderful reason to celebrate !!!!Life is an adventure for sure and no marriage is perfect. It takes work and commitment and there are moments of cloudy skies and all kinds of unpredictable challenges. But then there are days when a baby is born or one of you is hospitalized and suddenly all the reasons you married rush back into your mind and love is found under a layer of dust in the corner of the room.

JEN&DENIS 065
Dennis and ‘the other’ Jen (my Brother and Sister-in-law to be 🙂  )
brain injury, seizure, stroke

Lazy Hazy Days

First of all I apologize for it having taken me so long to write. Summer is a busy time every year for families with young children and indeed my summer is no exception.

The boys have been enjoying the warm weather and have had a couple stints at day camps. We have also had some birthday parties to attend and have enjoyed time near the water away from the city.

But not all of the summer has been dreamy. I started this blog to keep you up to speed about the journey of a woman recovering from a massive brain hemmorrhage and surgery. My health is a work in progress. I have been able to continue to challenge myself and see people and experience more and more visual and audio stimulus. I still feel fearful and overwhelmed in busy environments and my system still responds with tears and if I am overwhelmed my mind seems to try to make me sleep.

On Sunday, July 24, I had just finished a weekend with a busy social calendar. On the Friday we had my brother and his fiancée to dinner and Saturday we drove out of town to attend our niece and nephew’s birthday party (a modest family event on both occasions but still alot for me). On Sunday we drove home and that night I was on the computer and noticed that I was finding it more difficult to read.

I tried to work through it and hope that I could recover the ability to read but instead it got more difficult to read and then I was not able to type… I made eye contact with my husband across the house. After this I have no memory until I ‘woke up’ with about 6 uniformed men around me asking me questions and talking in hushed voices with my husband.

I am told that my husband heard a crash in the room where my ‘office’ is and he came in and found me slumped off my chair and having a seizure. He stayed with me until the seizure stopped and then called 911. When the emergency responders arrived I am told they asked me questions like what my name is and I answered with statements like ‘I have red pajamas.’

I was taken by ambulance to the Civic Hospital where I had spent a couple months last Fall. They took me quite quickly into the Emergency Room and they did blood work and a CT scan.

What can I say? I guess my brain is not quite fixed.

This is the first seizure since the actual stroke last September so I was not expecting to live through this again. That said, I did have a TIA experience in February as well.

The Wednesday before the seizure I had had a MRI in preparation for an October appointment with my Neurologist. I believe that I had mentioned to you that the clot on the left drainage vein from my brain was still there in the March MRI. Well, the MRI on Wednesday was to check again – although my Neurologist did not expect further natural change since the clot would (should?) have already left if it was going to correct itself.

Because of my trip to the Emergency Room with my seizure, they told me about the results of my Wednesday MRI. The clot remains. Not good news but obviously I can live with it (smiles weakly).

They performed a CT scan to see if there was new bleeding in my brain as a cause for my seizure and there was not. That IS good news so hooray!

My blood work revealed that I had an extremely low level of Phosphate. They did say that it can cause seizures when it is as low as my Phosphate level was… and they asked if I had been eating because lack of food can cause the Phosphate to plummet. I had had a weekend with a very varied and fullsome diet so that was not the reason. Anyway, they put me on 4 hrs of IV Phosphate as well as requiring me to take some Rx Phosphate tablets that dissolve in water.

My husband was asked to take Monday off of work to stay with me so that I would not be left alone. He and I had both been up all night so the rest during the day on Monday was appreciated.

I had been feeling ‘unwell’ that weekend which I attributed to my busy schedule. What might be no big deal for most people was very tough for me. Even driving to the lake on Sat and home on Sun was alot for me because there is a lot of visual and audio stimuli on that trip.

Anyway, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you about the new development in my health. It hasn’t all be bad news by the way… I have been planning and preparing for my brother’s Wedding Day!!! He and his lovely fiancee are getting married – this Saturday, August 6.

I can’t wait for the day to come – our family could use the reason to get together and party.

Will give you more frequent updates as time goes by this week. Thanks for your patience and warm wishes.

Be well,

Jen

loss

Knowing, Assuming, Believing

Our minds operate in a way that makes us think we know more than we do…

There is very little we KNOW for certain. Knowledge, in the context of what I am writing, is the sum of what is known; the body of truth, information, and principles acquired by humankind. What we can know with certainty is a relatively short list – despite the generations of people who have been studying and observing and amassing knowledge to an ever-growing compendium of human knowledge. We can KNOW, for example, that two plus two equals four. We can KNOW that gravity on Earth pulls objects toward the surface of the planet (and holds us all here).

The list of things we BELIEVE is a variable that depends entirely on your experiences, your faith, your friend group, your interests. I BELIEVE, for example, in a benevolent God who is omniscient but who is not necessarily intervening in the human experience of life. I do not KNOW that to be true … but I BELIEVE it. I also believe that my family and friends care about heart and stroke awareness. I cannot truly know that with certainty because humans are ever-evolving, ever-changing and each is facing their own experiences from moment to moment. But I believe it because they care for someone (maybe several people) who has raised that issue to the forefront of their mind for a period of time.

Everything else in our mind is an ASSUMPTION. I ASSUME that the sun will rise tomorrow. It may not… and I cannot know the future with any certainty so I assume things will happen in a way I can predict. I ASSUME that I will have tomorrow to accomplish some things I cannot complete today. I ASSUME that people I have watched and spoken to over the years will behave in a certain, predictable way. For example, I assume that my Father will continue to be irritated by an old, tattered Canadian flag… my assumption might be wrong! He may at some point forgive those who let a flag hang in a sad state or he may re-prioritize his interests and care less about flags … but I doubt it. Regardless of whether or not he changes his mind on that issue, I am ASSUMING he will continue to care about flags… I cannot KNOW it. He is a person whose feelings on issues are his and he is free to change his mind at any moment.

Why am I talking so much about this? Good question…
Lori Derbyshire 1970-2011This week I spent a lot of time considering a sudden and tragic loss of a family friend’s young, vibrant, active wife. She died suddenly and without warning last Sunday at age 41. On that Father’s Day, my friend and his two young sons were forever changed by an event that they could not have known was coming… nor did she for that matter.

Since that day, many people in their lives have had to reconsider the things that they thought they knew – what they had assumed – and what they believed. I reevaluated all of those things too.

~~~~~

I KNOW we will each end this journey of life in a way and at a time that we cannot predict. I KNOW that there are some things I would be devastated to fail to have done.

I ASSUME that my life can bring value to this planet and to others. I ASSUME that where I invest energy and time, I will be able to improve the life of someone out there; even if only in a tiny way, even if for only one person, even if just with a timely word, or with a hug or a warm smile.

I BELIEVE that a life well-lived is one step on a longer journey that extends far beyond this world. I BELIEVE that the people and experiences I have encountered were meant to be in my life with a reason.

Based on those three principles (of Knowledge, Assumption and Belief), I will live the rest of my days no matter how long or short so that I open my eyes each day as a happy surprise that I have another, fresh opportunity

  • to do the things I KNOW I want to do…
  • to accomplish something that day, no matter how small, which I ASSUME will bring value to others… and
  • to quietly and humbly pay attention to the people and experiences I BELIEVE I was meant to see and meet.
Imagine if we all paid attention to the life of those around us.

Jason, if you are reading this, thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching experience with others. You are loved and supported as Lori journeys on to the next destination on her path. You and your wife were a blessing to all of us around you and your life will continue to bless many even though some days may be more challenging for you in the coming time.

Be well,

Jen