Category Archives: stroke

brain injury, seizure, stroke

Lazy Hazy Days

First of all I apologize for it having taken me so long to write. Summer is a busy time every year for families with young children and indeed my summer is no exception.

The boys have been enjoying the warm weather and have had a couple stints at day camps. We have also had some birthday parties to attend and have enjoyed time near the water away from the city.

But not all of the summer has been dreamy. I started this blog to keep you up to speed about the journey of a woman recovering from a massive brain hemmorrhage and surgery. My health is a work in progress. I have been able to continue to challenge myself and see people and experience more and more visual and audio stimulus. I still feel fearful and overwhelmed in busy environments and my system still responds with tears and if I am overwhelmed my mind seems to try to make me sleep.

On Sunday, July 24, I had just finished a weekend with a busy social calendar. On the Friday we had my brother and his fiancée to dinner and Saturday we drove out of town to attend our niece and nephew’s birthday party (a modest family event on both occasions but still alot for me). On Sunday we drove home and that night I was on the computer and noticed that I was finding it more difficult to read.

I tried to work through it and hope that I could recover the ability to read but instead it got more difficult to read and then I was not able to type… I made eye contact with my husband across the house. After this I have no memory until I ‘woke up’ with about 6 uniformed men around me asking me questions and talking in hushed voices with my husband.

I am told that my husband heard a crash in the room where my ‘office’ is and he came in and found me slumped off my chair and having a seizure. He stayed with me until the seizure stopped and then called 911. When the emergency responders arrived I am told they asked me questions like what my name is and I answered with statements like ‘I have red pajamas.’

I was taken by ambulance to the Civic Hospital where I had spent a couple months last Fall. They took me quite quickly into the Emergency Room and they did blood work and a CT scan.

What can I say? I guess my brain is not quite fixed.

This is the first seizure since the actual stroke last September so I was not expecting to live through this again. That said, I did have a TIA experience in February as well.

The Wednesday before the seizure I had had a MRI in preparation for an October appointment with my Neurologist. I believe that I had mentioned to you that the clot on the left drainage vein from my brain was still there in the March MRI. Well, the MRI on Wednesday was to check again – although my Neurologist did not expect further natural change since the clot would (should?) have already left if it was going to correct itself.

Because of my trip to the Emergency Room with my seizure, they told me about the results of my Wednesday MRI. The clot remains. Not good news but obviously I can live with it (smiles weakly).

They performed a CT scan to see if there was new bleeding in my brain as a cause for my seizure and there was not. That IS good news so hooray!

My blood work revealed that I had an extremely low level of Phosphate. They did say that it can cause seizures when it is as low as my Phosphate level was… and they asked if I had been eating because lack of food can cause the Phosphate to plummet. I had had a weekend with a very varied and fullsome diet so that was not the reason. Anyway, they put me on 4 hrs of IV Phosphate as well as requiring me to take some Rx Phosphate tablets that dissolve in water.

My husband was asked to take Monday off of work to stay with me so that I would not be left alone. He and I had both been up all night so the rest during the day on Monday was appreciated.

I had been feeling ‘unwell’ that weekend which I attributed to my busy schedule. What might be no big deal for most people was very tough for me. Even driving to the lake on Sat and home on Sun was alot for me because there is a lot of visual and audio stimuli on that trip.

Anyway, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you about the new development in my health. It hasn’t all be bad news by the way… I have been planning and preparing for my brother’s Wedding Day!!! He and his lovely fiancee are getting married – this Saturday, August 6.

I can’t wait for the day to come – our family could use the reason to get together and party.

Will give you more frequent updates as time goes by this week. Thanks for your patience and warm wishes.

Be well,

Jen

brain injury, recovery, stroke

Wounds that heal

In case I forget how far I have come…

This is from when i was well enough to have asked for my BlackBerry and to have remembered how to use it…

These were in October 2010. The bleeding stopped about a week ago (April 2011).

IMG00048 IMG00051

I still have massive scars in my hair – sometimes I wish they weren’t so well hidden. I wish they were across my face so that people couldn’t forget that I am recovering from a brain hemorrhage and a very immense brain surgery. But I know that it’s a blessing not to be left with that too (but imagine having high expectations of a person in a wheelchair… we might change our expectations then I think).
Since then I have had one experience they call a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack) which is likely a clot passing and briefly stopping in a vein/artery in the brain. It lasted about an hour with only a couple of the famous five warning signs (I had trouble speaking and understanding). It was scary but it passed – this was late Feb.
I have tried not to talk about it and not to dwell on it but it’s part of who I am so I am sharing that with you.
If you are wondering about why I never call you – please don’t forget that I am disabled (particularly with regard to sound and with visual stimulation).
I guess the choices are to love me anyway and be quiet or to be insulted and leave.
Either way I understand and I will still love you.
Be well,
Jen
P.S. This entry was called “wounds that heal” because there are some that never entirely heal.
brain injury, frustration, hope, inspiration, optimism, stroke

The Art of Focus

Spent some time yesterday chatting in text with a friend of mine. We were talking about the … hmmm … art / talent / tactic / opportunity of being distracted.

Some might say it’s a mental illness – not being able to focus.
Some might say it’s a tactic to procrastinate.
Some might say it’s a talent to appear blameless in terms of failure to complete work but…

I think that distraction is a gift.

(hears… “what?” “come on!” “as if….!”)

Yes, I think it’s a gift – I think that often in life the things we set out to do are not the important things to do afterall.

We create a to do list as long as our arm… and even more.

We chase a goal… the carrot on a line that is towed before us (just out of reach, by the way)

We run and run and run and run

Then, all of a sudden, if we are lucky enough, there is a butterfly… oooooh…. it’s so pretty, look at the wings, look at the antennae, look at the way it flutters and then [insert screech-to-a-halt sound effect] somewhere (or by someone) we are reminder of the task we had been sent out to do.

But here is a scenario.

The focused person is outside trying to complete some yard work. It is yard work collection week. It’s important. So this person is congratulated for getting the job done as quickly as possible.

The distracted person, lacking focus, is inclined to also try and clean the garage in an effort to find the rake; is inclined to say hello to a stranger who passes by. But what is important in this chaos of moments? The “unfocused” person made a new friend, found an old pair of mittens and also recovered the rake at long last… ya, the garden still needs work but now there is a new person in their life.

Maybe the distracted person will make a positive change in the stranger’s life or maybe the stranger’s path makes them an important person to know (even it will take decades for that to be known).

In case you are wondering, the next time you are out running errands try to squint your eyes, unfocus your vision, and see what really becomes important in that moment. Wait and see who you will see when you are lacking focus. 😉

Be well.

Jen