Category Archives: recovery

recover, recovery, stroke

Today ~ and tomorrow

2 Comments

I haven’t posted anything in more than a year.

Why am I back? Why now?

Well I guess first I should tell you why I left. The answer is fear.

I had a person who befriended me and knew about my blog and I was worried about them knowing so much about my life. For a period of time, I even feared that their liking of me had surpassed a healthy interest. I decided it was a bit too risky to post.

Did I write in the meantime? Absolutely. I wrote in a journal at home and I have had some nice entries and over time I will add them here… which brings me to why I came back.

Reason #3: Because, as a mother of three young boys I did spend a lot of time talking to my children about bullying. One thing I taught them was that bullies really shouldn’t be given enough power to “win.” In many ways, that bully won when he kept me silent by scaring me. With some internal courage (and the input of a law enforcement officer who is aware of the situation), I am standing up and taking back ownership of my blog.

Reason #2: Because as a young woman recovering from a hemorrhagic stroke, I want to have a voice. I don’t have a career anymore and my cognitive disabilities prevent me from re-entering the traditional 9-5 deadline-based, commuter work world. But it hasn’t prevented me from thinking, feeling, or considering life and my journey. This blog helps me to leave a mark that someday may speak for me even when I can no longer. Consider this my place to etch my name in the strong bark of the world.

Reason #1: You. It seemed that lately the stars were aligned to shove me toward my blog. I have had several requests from very different people in very different parts of my life who each asked the same innocent question for their own very different reasons. One heard my voice as a fellow stroke patient. One heard my voice as an old friend from high school. One heard my voice as a comrade who also faces life’s challenges from a tough illness. One heard my voice here in my blog as a way to feel connected with me and keep up with my journey. They each said: “I check often but nothing…. Will you write again?”

TypingDear reader,

In my first post almost three years ago, I asked you to take this journey with me. You never left but I did.

I’m sorry …and I’m back. Please forgive me.

Sincerely, Jennifer



Be well.

brain injury, recovery, stroke

Wounds that heal

In case I forget how far I have come…

This is from when i was well enough to have asked for my BlackBerry and to have remembered how to use it…

These were in October 2010. The bleeding stopped about a week ago (April 2011).

IMG00048 IMG00051

I still have massive scars in my hair – sometimes I wish they weren’t so well hidden. I wish they were across my face so that people couldn’t forget that I am recovering from a brain hemorrhage and a very immense brain surgery. But I know that it’s a blessing not to be left with that too (but imagine having high expectations of a person in a wheelchair… we might change our expectations then I think).
Since then I have had one experience they call a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack) which is likely a clot passing and briefly stopping in a vein/artery in the brain. It lasted about an hour with only a couple of the famous five warning signs (I had trouble speaking and understanding). It was scary but it passed – this was late Feb.
I have tried not to talk about it and not to dwell on it but it’s part of who I am so I am sharing that with you.
If you are wondering about why I never call you – please don’t forget that I am disabled (particularly with regard to sound and with visual stimulation).
I guess the choices are to love me anyway and be quiet or to be insulted and leave.
Either way I understand and I will still love you.
Be well,
Jen
P.S. This entry was called “wounds that heal” because there are some that never entirely heal.
creativity, hope, memories, optimism, recovery, stroke

Humility with icing

A birthday blows by and names / memories / moments / joy / agony and love all whirl around me…

No matter what has come and gone in my life I am lucky. I am here and you are here with me. I am lucky to have you and I am blesssed to have my remarkable sons, a determined husband and a wonderful family.

Every day this pixel world reminds me of this remarkable life. I live and breathe and dream and as hard as it can be I AM ALIVE!

I plan to figure out where I can find my future with this keyboard and surrounded by loved ones and friends and reaching out to every corner of the world to learn, share and experience as much as possible.

I am here

So, dear world, I stand on the rock on the top of the most challenging mountain I have been climbing yet… I feel the wind whip around me. I tip my face back – eyes closed and sun shining on me with no furrowed brow – and as the camera pulls back from my perch on top of my world the rest of the mountains come into focus and the sky’s blue promise with white clouds moving so fast reminds of the larger reality beyond.

I will sit here for a while and absorb every second of this…

…and then…

…I will set my sights on the next mountain.

No matter your pace, your past, your pain, your ability, YOU are invited.

Come with me *smiles warmly*

Be well.

Jen