Category Archives: optimism

creativity, hope, memories, optimism, recovery, stroke

Humility with icing

A birthday blows by and names / memories / moments / joy / agony and love all whirl around me…

No matter what has come and gone in my life I am lucky. I am here and you are here with me. I am lucky to have you and I am blesssed to have my remarkable sons, a determined husband and a wonderful family.

Every day this pixel world reminds me of this remarkable life. I live and breathe and dream and as hard as it can be I AM ALIVE!

I plan to figure out where I can find my future with this keyboard and surrounded by loved ones and friends and reaching out to every corner of the world to learn, share and experience as much as possible.

I am here

So, dear world, I stand on the rock on the top of the most challenging mountain I have been climbing yet… I feel the wind whip around me. I tip my face back – eyes closed and sun shining on me with no furrowed brow – and as the camera pulls back from my perch on top of my world the rest of the mountains come into focus and the sky’s blue promise with white clouds moving so fast reminds of the larger reality beyond.

I will sit here for a while and absorb every second of this…

…and then…

…I will set my sights on the next mountain.

No matter your pace, your past, your pain, your ability, YOU are invited.

Come with me *smiles warmly*

Be well.

Jen

family, frustration, memories, optimism, parenting, recovery

Memories

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  • The black iron railing on the concrete steps outside of our first home in Quebec
  • “Dog Patrol” a near-daily excursion as Dad would peddle me around on the back of his bike looking for doggies that I could pet
  • Washing dishes standing on a chair in the kitchen next to my Mom
  • My new baby brother coming home
  • Noticing that he was “broken” between his legs while I assisted Mom with a diaper change
  • My first amazing experience at school with my Junior Kindergarten Teacher (Mrs. Rheaume, I still think of you often)
  • Recording our voice and our home family movies
  • Learning to debate at school
  • Perfecting how to debate at the dinner table
  • Years of summertime joy and crushes and sunburns
  • First kiss
  • Never wanting to see that guy again… good thing he won’t know I mean him
  • Writing my first poem
  • Dancing in my bedroom
  • Transcribing lyrics from radio music
  • Losing my Nanny (maternal and only grandparent)
  • My first bra
  • My first heartbreak
  • Painting
  • First “first date”
  • First “last date”
  • First act of citizenship: I vote
  • Being elected at my high school
  • Graduation
  • An abusive relationship
  • University … a procrastinator’s heaven and hell
  • Pride + Kraft Dinner VS Logic + Asking for money
    (if you know me, you know which I picked… despite not having any milk)
  • Illness and close brushes with despair
  • Family love and how the extended family reinforces the troops regardless of the problem, the timing, or the need
  • The power of a loved one’s beautiful baby girl
  • Smugly taking a job in broadcasting which surely meant that I didn’t need the degree
  • A star named after me
  • Understanding how much that really meant
  • Meeting the son of my parents’ friends “just for coffee”
  • Long distance love in denial
  • Dropping to my knees in front of him and saying yes
  • Moving (for the thousandth time)
  • Marrying
  • Moving #1001 – but thankfully moving to the “M” section in people’s address books instead of the “V”
  • Making babies – the easy part AND the hard part
  • New life all around
  • The beauty of someone else’s wedding
  • Learning what to control and what you cannot control
  • Mom’s life ebbing away
  • Recovery from loss
  • Needing to be loved
  • Losing weeks of my life – a small price to pay because I had never had the chance to say “goodbye, how I love you”
  • Rebirth with my artificial umbilical cords
  • Learning to walk again and to read and write
  • Feeling fear often
  • My brother, husband and father never leaving my side
  • Reaching back to my husband
  • Deciding to act the way I felt people wanted me to be
  • Changing that decision!
  • Making true friends recovering with them in the hospital for more than two months
  • Learning many ways to measure distance (inches, kilometers, aeons)
  • Remarking which friends have stayed… regardless of my quiet
     *smiling at you with gratitude*
  • My sons sharing the experience of being with Mom on the floor (ferociously proud of them now and forever – unless they have behaved unethically or unlawfully you’d be best to complain to someone else)
  • My husband carrying his own weight and far too much of mine
  • Every one of my stroke steps…

And today?
Another year older!!! Ack!!!

Be well

Jen

creativity, inspiration, optimism, recovery, stroke

The Power of Humour

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I don’t think it matters who you are – or where you live – or what language you speak … there are a few things most of us have in common.

We like to be happy
We aim to be the best person we can be
We seek for our children to have the best we can offer
We love loving and being loved
We hope we wil not be forgotten, and
We appreciate a good laugh.

This week I have had my initial evaluation/assessment at the Acquired Brain Injury facility and I will be going there for an eight-week program that will assist my rehabilitation in Speech and Language, Occupational Therapy, Psychology and Social Work.

We are lucky to have access to such remarkable and dedicated professionals and I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to acknowledge the amazing teams of people who have helped me at the Civic Campus of the Ottawa Hospital and at the Bruyere Hospital. Nothing but the best to share of those two remarkable facilities. I am endebted to their professionalism and ability.

So, getting back to the Acquired Brain Injury facility, my assessments were Monday and Tuesday as well as a medical appointment on Friday. I filled in a questionnaire that asks me about a variety of issues that can be related to my injury. The meeting had been fairly standard and I was asked expected questions about my mood these days. My answer was that despite the challenges I face and the ordeal we have survived, I feel optimistic and positive about my life. I said that I saw it as an opportunity to re-evaluate my life course and to dream of new paths in life that will suit my abilities/disabilities. There was a brief silence as the Doctor nodded and then he made me laugh.

He said that the thing is… my “life” was taken from me on September 7 when I had a stroke and my life has not been restored in the way it was. I nodded. He said that there would be no way to expect that you can live through that without feeling frustrated, angry, confused, or cheated. He said something along the lines of (roughly parahrasing) I would like to be an optimist but I’m not that good… the reality is that this whole situation sucks.

I laughed right out loud and appreciated the candor and humour very much. He’s right in a lot of ways… it does suck and my life is frustratingly similar and yet so different. And in addition to physical trauma and cognitive/neurological damage it has been an absolutely crappy assignment of paperwork and insurance forms etc etc etc

So to hear his comment, I still smile and nod. It really does suck. But when I get tugged into that hole I consider the thousands of ways that it could be worse.

But on the days I can’t focus on the thousands of worse things I like to have a really good laugh – maybe you will have some of those too …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aAtFrWft2k

Be well,

Jen