Category Archives: inspiration

hope, inspiration

When your hut is on fire

When your hut is on fire

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up into the sky. He felt the worst had happened and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, ‘God! How could you do this to me?’
Early the next morning he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him!
‘How did you know I was here?’ asked the weary man of his rescuers.
‘We saw your smoke signal,’ they replied.
[It’s easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn’t lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.]
+ reprinted from “The Divine Messenger: A contact with Divine Infant Parish”
hope, inspiration

Time to Rise

Such a season of renewal!

Spring offers so many ways to remind of the blessings of life. Watching the return of the lawn from beneath the snowy blanket; watching the busy activity of the many creatures who must be celebrating winter’s withdrawal; watching the bulbs resiliently pushing their way up through warming soil… so many ways to be reminded of the opportunities in Spring.

We mustn’t forget the amazing examples we have had over the course of human history to teach us about our promise as strong and determined people. Nations have recovered after terrible losses inflicted in War. People who have suffered immense challenges have chosen and fought to live and love despite their amazing struggles. Communities have rallied to re-claim their neighbourhoods and proudly walk with heads held high and backs straight and strong.

Whatever your faith, there have been amazing examples of how to live life. Examples of how to serve others, how to suffer with grace, how to be one person in a world of many, and how to leave a place better than it was when we arrived.

Since September 2010 I have been fortunate to have had time to focus on regaining my strength (both physically and emotionally). I have also grown each day closer and closer to understanding who I am, why I survived and what I am going to do next.

If I were to write you a story to talk about the challenge of this experience it would go something like this:

“Once upon a time there was a small girl standing at the edge of a huge ocean… She had washed up on the beach some time ago and had rested enough to be able to stand and consider what she should do next.

She felt grateful that she had survived and felt hopeful that her life was meant to contribute something to the world – her work must not yet be done.

She looked out at the broad and vast horizon. In front of her, the horizon stretched over the ever-changing, mesmerizing blue sea as far as her eyes could see. Overwhelmed, she turned to her right. She saw the beautiful stretch of sandy beach and the beginning of land. 

The strong land grew out of that beach and as she looked further right she saw that the grass and hills and mountains in the distance offered a million possible paths, each travelling toward a different part of the same horizon. She looked further and further to her right, wheeling around on her heels, feeling more desperate to find her next path.

Having made a full circle seeking an indication of where she was meant to go, she was still no further ahead. 

She felt totally alone and overwhelmed by the importance of making the right decision about which direction she should choose to set out.

So she closed her eyes, breathed deeply and prayed. ‘Lord, I am lost. I cannot walk on water and I cannot fly. But I will do anything you ask me to do.’

She immediately felt a warm, familiar presence. She knew He was busy, had many to help and she wanted to help Him too, so she quickly asked, ‘Please Lord, tell me: Do you want me to head out over the seas? Do you want me to walk along the beach? Should I walk up into the meadow and beyond the hills?’

The Lord looked down at her with infinite patience and whispered to her His answer before He turned His attention to others… ‘Yes.’

She sat there patiently hoping that there would be more guidance but none came.

The sun set and she watched the tide ebb and the beach grow and she eventually fell asleep feeling almost paralyzed with fear of not choosing the right path.

When she woke up she saw an angel sitting facing her on the sandy beach. She didn’t feel the need to ask them who they are or why they were there. She knew those answers.

Letting her wake fully, the angel waited before asking her: ‘Why are we still here?’

She sighed feeling like a failure and a disappointment and said ‘I’m not sure – I think I’m just too afraid to make a mistake and waste the rest of my life in the wrong place.’

‘Well what is it that you want to do?’

‘I want to live a life to be proud of, help others who need help and leave this place better than I found it.’

Nodding, the angel asked, ‘Which people and which place?’

‘Anyone… everyone and anywhere I go.’

‘Well if that is your goal, how can you go the wrong way?’

She looked down at the sand and smiled softly. Taking a deep breath and got up brushing sand off of herself and she set out. ‘You’re right,’ she said.

She walked and walked and walked. The angel went with her in silence; calmly by her side. Finally she said to the angel, ‘Why did God not tell me that? I had a problem and I called out to Him feeling lost and alone.’

The angel nodded again, understanding her frustration, but said, ‘First of all, I think He did answer your questions and the answer to all of them was ‘Yes’ – I think He was sure you would go the right way.’

They continued to walk in silence. Then the angel added, *’When God solves your problems you have faith in His abilities.’ She nodded. ‘When He does not solve your problems I guess He has faith in your abilities.’*

She stopped walking and stared at the angel. The angel made a small wave and disappeared in a vapor on the breeze.

She took a deep breath, set her eye on the horizon and she walked on.

~ JSVM

[ * Credit to the angel who once upon a time came to my bedside and told me *those words inside the asterisks above* when I most needed to hear them.]


Friends, worry not. You are exactly where you are meant to be at this very moment. You will know when it’s time to get up and walk on.


Happy Easter to you all and I wish you a wonderful spring resurrection.


Be well,
Jen

inspiration

“Perfect” Gifts

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It’s hard to believe how much time has passed… or perhaps the amazing part is how fast it goes by… maybe both. 

In any case, the approaching Christmas holiday is an easy time to get lost in “to do”s. For me, it’s a special year for several reasons. It has been a long time since I have felt up to the preparation for this Big Event of Christmas. In 2009, with the passing of my best friend – my Mother, I lost a lot of steam for the family traditions and cooking that would have characterized my preparations with my Mom. That was a hard year without her, the first year. Then in 2010, I had only just been released from the hospitals after my stroke and I was barely able to maintain my hygiene and my daily tasks. So that Christmas was certainly a challenge.

joylovehopepeaceThis year, I am able to cope with some of my old traditions so I have sent out the Christmas letter (thanks largely to the pressure and encouragement from several friends and family members). I also baked again for the first Christmas in three years. This year the motivation was to take some home baking to church for our children’s school Advent mass last week. My children treated me like a hero and were proudly munching on “the best cookies in the world.”

My husband still does have to carry an unbalanced shared task list as he is our family’s only driver so I contribute the lists of things to purchase (groceries, gifts, household stock) and he runs around the city picking kids up, dropping kids off and shopping… in fact, the shopping this year all by himself took him to the point of wearing out his card! That’s a sign for sure!

My health remains a challenge although I am finding my way to take advantage of my abilities and to respect my disabilities. I haven’t had a social engagement with friends all year. I miss my friends but I count on love and understanding for friends to be comfortable with my new situation. Visual and auditory stimulation are still a challenge and they still create fear and that results in my heart beating faster as I deal with the stress of the noises and people and my vocabulary challenges (harder to word find when I am in a social setting so I still stutter and have a cadence to my speaking that is not natural).

As for my heart beating faster, who cares? Right? Well for me it’s an issue. As you know, I still have a clot in my brain and my clot is on the drainage at the back of my head where the brain releases its “used” blood supply. We had been hoping, medically, that the clot would dissolve in the first months after my stroke and when a period of time has passed without change, it becomes more of a permanent situation. So… with only one drain instead of two, blood pressure etc have an effect. They cause me to get headaches which, I have learned, are a warning sign. Since my stroke I have had one suspected TIA and three sessions with seizures (most recently in late November).

brainstorm_thumb (1)I was told by a doctor that my brain damage (in addition to the clot) is largely permanent. Let me first say that the human brain celebrates “plasticity” (a term meant to describe how our mind can adapt and rewire and morph to recover from trauma). My brain’s plasiticity is why I have retained verbal skills at all and why I no longer cry in the car from things moving past the windows. But there was scar tissue that formed where they completed a successful brain surgery and there was some other damage from the flood of blood in my brain – these two situations have created a scenario where rapid messages (thoughts and processes) move in our brains like electric pulses for me, just like for you. Unfortunately with some of the scar tissue and damaged parts the electric pulses get misdirected, misfire, or simply get all screwed up and short circuit causing a seizure.

The last two episodes were both due to over stimulation – in both cases I was working on my computer and had recently attempted social gatherings with family. I was tired from the family gathering (one was a children’s birthday gathering and the other was a dinner with only adults and my kids – nothing huge … but still too much for me). I can feel it coming on. Typically, I am overtired from the event and then, as a seizure approaches I get confused, have trouble reading and feel frustrated because it’s like my engine suddenly starts to run out of gas.

The last seizure was in late-November when I was alone at home with the boys. It was a PD Day for them so they were laughing and playing and a TV was on in the background (I still can’t watch TV) and there was music from a computer. I was trying to do some basic things on my laptop when I started to feel the “signs.” I debated what to do because I didn’t want to alarm the boys but being home alone with them I knew they had to be told that I wasn’t well… just in case.

I walked into the room where two were playing and asked them to just be very quiet because I wasn’t feeling very good. Immediately they started to cry and crowded around me. I was trying very hard to reassure them that I would be fine but I could feel my words slipping and I have no idea what I wound up telling them but the last I remember is seeing my eldest dialling the phone.

Some time later I “woke up” (although I was not unconscious) and my house was full of the usual suspects – paramedics, police, firefighters… The boys had had the good sense to follow our plan and they called 9-1-1, then called a neighbour since they were home alone with me, and they reached their Daddy on his cell phone. Good boys!!!

So I spent the rest of the day and that night at the Civic Hospital. I slept mostly – seizures are physically and mentally exhausting. I was scared (and I still am). Not sure what lies ahead for me but I do know that every morning when I wake up is a good start.
christmas giftsI am posting all of this three days before Christmas to remind you that our massive “to do” list is likely unnecessary. Take some time today and tomorrow and the day after that to talk to your loved ones and to cuddle with your children. Walk your dog, take a bath or do whatever it is that makes you happy.

In this period of Advent, let’s not forget that it is a time of spiritual preparation for the most wonderful gift we could ever have been given some 2000 years ago. So when you are racing around looking for the “perfect” gift – stop and close your eyes and say thank you for all the gifts you have been given – especially the “perfect gift” whose birth we prepare to celebrate this Sunday.

Be well,

Jen