Category Archives: hope

creativity, hope, memories, optimism, recovery, stroke

Humility with icing

A birthday blows by and names / memories / moments / joy / agony and love all whirl around me…

No matter what has come and gone in my life I am lucky. I am here and you are here with me. I am lucky to have you and I am blesssed to have my remarkable sons, a determined husband and a wonderful family.

Every day this pixel world reminds me of this remarkable life. I live and breathe and dream and as hard as it can be I AM ALIVE!

I plan to figure out where I can find my future with this keyboard and surrounded by loved ones and friends and reaching out to every corner of the world to learn, share and experience as much as possible.

I am here

So, dear world, I stand on the rock on the top of the most challenging mountain I have been climbing yet… I feel the wind whip around me. I tip my face back – eyes closed and sun shining on me with no furrowed brow – and as the camera pulls back from my perch on top of my world the rest of the mountains come into focus and the sky’s blue promise with white clouds moving so fast reminds of the larger reality beyond.

I will sit here for a while and absorb every second of this…

…and then…

…I will set my sights on the next mountain.

No matter your pace, your past, your pain, your ability, YOU are invited.

Come with me *smiles warmly*

Be well.

Jen

creativity, hope, recovery

Azure dreams

* credits to Coldplay – song “Green Eyes” *

Honey, you are a rock
   Upon which I stand
      And I come here to talk
        I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight,
   shines upon you
       And how could anybody deny you?

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you

And honey you should know,
   that I could never go on without you
Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
   Upon which I float
      And I came here to talk
         I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one
  that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you
  must be out of their mind

Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you

Honey you should know,
  that I could never go on without you

Green eyes          ~          Green eyes

Ohoho… Ohoho… Ohoho… Ohoho…

The sea upon which I float
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brain injury, hope, inspiration, recover, recovery

Mindfulness

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Guess what! Despite my reduced abilities, my mind is still bright and shiny and beautiful and able! It really is. I spoke to my mind and my body (more accurately… I LISTENED to my mind and my body) this morning during an exceptional period of guided mindfulness in a rehabilitation session.

  • When was the last time you sat in silence?
  • Have you ever meditated?
  • Do you check in with the parts of your body?
  • Are you aware of every sense’s contribution to the most simple moments?

I would have said No to each of those before this morning but now I will do this as often as possible.

Mermaid me in another place and time

With the benefit of silence and calm and relaxation this morning I saw my brain swim and soar and twirl and circle playfully, pause reflectively and consider things as I always was able. Agile and adaptable and brilliant. Like a beautiful movie in the beautiful sea… 

And THEN it is time to talk about it or to verbalize it or even to define it and suddenly my beautiful movie stalls and stutters and skips frames. The image melts on the screen and my beautiful brain is ashamed and dismayed and looks away… A tear spills into that ocean. Perhaps that is how my ocean arrived… One tear at a time…

It hurts to struggle with the abilities I used to take for granted. It is a huge regret that I was not more thankful for it being so easy at the time.

But instead of living in that regret I have work to do to continue my regrowth. Everything happens for a reason. How can I grieve for a gift that I enjoyed while it was mine? It was not mine forever… only loaned to me. 

Perhaps on September 7, 2010 a new child was born and was gifted with that blessing – if I could find them, my silent gesture would be to tenderly touch their cheek and wish them joy and awareness of the depth of that gift.
Thank you for walking this far with me – even if we have never met I am grateful for your virtual presence – for this shared experience, and for feeling connected to the world beyond my Self. But please forgive me if me, myself, and I spend some quiet time to reconnect.

*smiles quietly*

Be well,

Jen

P.S.: A belated Happy Valentine’s Day with an affectionate tribute to my husband whose proposal was 12 years ago… And to my Brassavola Nodosa (a type of orchid) who brings me joy and beauty even in the middle of the night.

Brassavola Nodosa