No thank you
I’d prefer not to
I regret that I can’t
Nope
Not at all
Never
That’s a powerful list. One that I rarely used.
I think most of us seek approval and to be liked. I certainly did. I wanted to exceed the expectations of my loved ones, and friends, and my workplace, and my volunteer organizations.
I very rarely said no to requests from those around me.
Interestingly, something had to give so I started to demote my household needs, my dog’s needs, my children’s needs, my husband’s needs, and ultimately – at the very bottom of a long list – was my own needs. I spent all of the time and energy I had available and then was left exhausted and flopped into bed.
Meh! Who cares, right? That’s normal and we are told every day to be fitter, wittier, quicker, more giving, more selfless, more hawt! But the reality is, we are only simple regular people and at some point it’s up to us to make our list of priorities and limit the investment we are prepared to make into them.
In my first series of rehabilitation sessions at the Bruyere Hospital I had to be trained to say “No.” I really mean that I had to learn it because I did… I even had to roleplay examples of requests and me saying no to them.
My therapist in that session would likely smirk and say that I learned and even told her no a few times by the end. *waves at Beverly my social work guru*
Anyway, just take a second and consider where you rank on your priority list. And even though it seems like it’s safe to demote our kids/spouse because they will always love us regardless – just remember that there is a point where you will realize all of the ways that you almost missed out on the most important people in our lives.
Two letters – one word – tremendous power: NO
Use it wisely but as often as you need to.
Be well,
Jen