Monthly Archives: June 2011

loss

Knowing, Assuming, Believing

Our minds operate in a way that makes us think we know more than we do…

There is very little we KNOW for certain. Knowledge, in the context of what I am writing, is the sum of what is known; the body of truth, information, and principles acquired by humankind. What we can know with certainty is a relatively short list – despite the generations of people who have been studying and observing and amassing knowledge to an ever-growing compendium of human knowledge. We can KNOW, for example, that two plus two equals four. We can KNOW that gravity on Earth pulls objects toward the surface of the planet (and holds us all here).

The list of things we BELIEVE is a variable that depends entirely on your experiences, your faith, your friend group, your interests. I BELIEVE, for example, in a benevolent God who is omniscient but who is not necessarily intervening in the human experience of life. I do not KNOW that to be true … but I BELIEVE it. I also believe that my family and friends care about heart and stroke awareness. I cannot truly know that with certainty because humans are ever-evolving, ever-changing and each is facing their own experiences from moment to moment. But I believe it because they care for someone (maybe several people) who has raised that issue to the forefront of their mind for a period of time.

Everything else in our mind is an ASSUMPTION. I ASSUME that the sun will rise tomorrow. It may not… and I cannot know the future with any certainty so I assume things will happen in a way I can predict. I ASSUME that I will have tomorrow to accomplish some things I cannot complete today. I ASSUME that people I have watched and spoken to over the years will behave in a certain, predictable way. For example, I assume that my Father will continue to be irritated by an old, tattered Canadian flag… my assumption might be wrong! He may at some point forgive those who let a flag hang in a sad state or he may re-prioritize his interests and care less about flags … but I doubt it. Regardless of whether or not he changes his mind on that issue, I am ASSUMING he will continue to care about flags… I cannot KNOW it. He is a person whose feelings on issues are his and he is free to change his mind at any moment.

Why am I talking so much about this? Good question…
Lori Derbyshire 1970-2011This week I spent a lot of time considering a sudden and tragic loss of a family friend’s young, vibrant, active wife. She died suddenly and without warning last Sunday at age 41. On that Father’s Day, my friend and his two young sons were forever changed by an event that they could not have known was coming… nor did she for that matter.

Since that day, many people in their lives have had to reconsider the things that they thought they knew – what they had assumed – and what they believed. I reevaluated all of those things too.

~~~~~

I KNOW we will each end this journey of life in a way and at a time that we cannot predict. I KNOW that there are some things I would be devastated to fail to have done.

I ASSUME that my life can bring value to this planet and to others. I ASSUME that where I invest energy and time, I will be able to improve the life of someone out there; even if only in a tiny way, even if for only one person, even if just with a timely word, or with a hug or a warm smile.

I BELIEVE that a life well-lived is one step on a longer journey that extends far beyond this world. I BELIEVE that the people and experiences I have encountered were meant to be in my life with a reason.

Based on those three principles (of Knowledge, Assumption and Belief), I will live the rest of my days no matter how long or short so that I open my eyes each day as a happy surprise that I have another, fresh opportunity

  • to do the things I KNOW I want to do…
  • to accomplish something that day, no matter how small, which I ASSUME will bring value to others… and
  • to quietly and humbly pay attention to the people and experiences I BELIEVE I was meant to see and meet.
Imagine if we all paid attention to the life of those around us.

Jason, if you are reading this, thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching experience with others. You are loved and supported as Lori journeys on to the next destination on her path. You and your wife were a blessing to all of us around you and your life will continue to bless many even though some days may be more challenging for you in the coming time.

Be well,

Jen

family, loss, love

Celebrating Life

I hope that you passed a lovely Father’s Day celebrating those who have made an impact on your life.

We did our best to spoil the Daddy in our household and his Daddy and my Daddy. At a time like this we are mindful of how fortunate we are to have them in our life.

As life is an unpredictable journey we were taken in a different direction yesterday as we considered others whose Father’s Days were perhaps more of a challenge. There are many people who have reason for sadness even on days of celebration. A year or so ago, one of our sons’ friends’ Daddy died in his 30s of brain cancer. Those little boys must have suffered yesterday and we were praying for them…

…but later that day we were informed of very sad news and the sudden passing of a dear family friend. On the morning of Father’s Day a very young woman – wife, daughter, sister, and mother of two – passed suddenly. My thoughts were with that family all day long and I am so aware of their pain. So close to our journey.

I can only pray and hope that the grieving family, especially Jason, her loving husband, and their two little boys (Thomas-Jay and Burke) will find some solace in their shared memories over the years and that they will be gently comforted by the passing of time.

http://yourlifemoments.ca/sitepages/obituary.asp?oId=508648

This post is to share with you what is on my mind and also to hopefully remind you that for all of us every day is a blessing.

I hope you will take an extra moment today to love the people in your life.

LIVE and LOVE OUT LOUD!!!!

Be well,

Jen

creativity, frustration

Patience

I stand still and watch and listen

I cannot fake being able to keep up with the pace of life
Well… maybe I can fake it but it only raises expectations
So I choose not to

I hear a piano being played in the distance

I try to manage a phone call or two a week
Sadly it’s mostly to get my new Warfarin dosages or to talk to insurance companies
I need them more than they need me

In comes a wave and a breeze blows across my face

I manage some of the household chores, so does my husband
My sons earn assistance points all the time by doing a chore
(some they do with my grumpy face pushing them)

I notice a lovely Cardinal on the bird feeder in the backyard

Friends and family each only ask for one visit – one chat – one gathering
Soon they add up to daily
I can’t manage that in addition to my own obligations for my kids, so I don’t

My dog’s soft black fur feels lovely against my foot where she is cuddled up

I have at least one medical appointment every week
Blood tests are a nearly constant event
Usually another medical appointment every couple weeks

I hear chirping and a plane humming overhead

I watched tv once in the past 8 months
I watched the royal wedding – why not watch a girl becom a princess?
Occurred to me often that his mom was missing… I hope when it’s my sons’ turn I am not missing

Warm sunshine on my face makes me instinctively turn my face toward the heat and close my eyes

Music still brings me joy
Headphones blocking everything else bring me even more joy
But the best of all is my sons in my arms loving me and me loving them

A butterfly lands on my window sill – just like she promised she would

I smile at her
   Her wings beat slowly
      And then she is gone

Patience
   Was worth the wait to see her if only for a moment
      It really is a virtue

Be well.

Jen

For those of you who have discussed and speculated that my absence is about “you” and why am i mad and blah blah blah blah…
… that is the only incentive i need never to be back in that game.

I hope every other stroke patient reading this also has the strength to walk away from those selfish people.